“I can’t decide.
What would you do?”
One of the questions that gets asked of clinic Receptionists most often - and one of the hardest to answer well.
What you’ll be able to do
Respond to a client who asks “what would you do?” in a way that gives them real support without taking the decision away from them - and recognise the two ways that response usually goes wrong.
How this works. You’ll play the person at the desk. You’ll choose what to say three times. There is no score and no wrong turn you can’t continue from - every choice shows you what it would realistically cause, and why.
Ellen and Trixie are invented. No real client, no composite of real clients.
Late afternoon. Ellen is at the front desk settling her bill after an appointment for Trixie, her fifteen-year-old dog.
She and the veterinarian have agreed there is nothing further to try, and that pain management for optimal quality of life is the goal until she makes the decision.
She has her card halfway out of her wallet. She stops.
“The vet says it’s up to me. I just… I can’t decide. What would you do?”
What do you say?
She asked you, and she is waiting.
“She still eats. She still wags when I come home. But she can’t do the stairs anymore, and she had an accident in the house on Tuesday and she looked so ashamed of herself. I don’t know if that’s… enough.”
“So you think it’s time.”
This is the trap. She is offering it to you again. Take it, and everything above is undone.
“I just wish I could talk to someone about it who isn’t going to tell me what to do.”
Some people want the medical conversation. Some want to think it through with someone who has no stake in the outcome and no clinical opinion to offer.
Both are legitimate, and knowing the difference is part of the job.
| If she wants… | Point her to |
|---|---|
| The clinical picture, pain management, what to expect | A quality-of-life discussion with the veterinarian |
| To think through the deciding itself, and what comes after | A non-medical end-of-life or pet-loss support professional - a pet loss doula or grief support practitioner |
Offer it without judgment and without pressure. “Some people find it helps to talk it through with someone outside the clinic - would you like me to give you a name?” is enough. If she says no, that is a complete answer, and the offer has still done its work: she now knows the option exists.
They are not asking you to choose.
They are asking whether it is allowed.
The question sounds like a request for an opinion. It is a request for permission - or for someone to share the weight for a moment. Answer the question that was literally asked, and you will get it wrong in one of two directions.
Abandonment
“It’s your decision.” “Only you can know.” True, professionally correct, taught as the safe answer - and it lands as a door closing.
Appropriation
“If she were mine, I’d be ready.” Kind in the moment, and it produces visible relief. But the decision now has your name on it, and when the doubt arrives it is the clinic they will remember deciding.
The move that works sits between them
- Acknowledge - that the question is hard, without flinching from it.
- Give what you actually can - this is the only beat that changes with your role.
- Hand it back, with somewhere to go - the decision returns to them, but not empty.
Beat three is the one people skip, and it is the one that does the work.
Only the middle beat changes
| Your role | What “give what you can” means |
|---|---|
| Reception / CSR | Acknowledge, ask what is making it hard, normalise, book the time. No prognosis, no opinion on timing. |
| RVT / Assistant | The above, plus what you have observed of the animal today |
| Veterinarian | The above, plus the clinical picture and prognosis |
| Practice manager | All of the above - plus making sure the front desk knows beat three is allowed, and is not going above their station |
All three beats, end to end
You worked the pieces out under pressure. Here is the shape of the thing, complete.
Worth noticing: the whole exchange is four sentences. It contains no clinical opinion at all. And every word of it could have been said by anyone on the team.
Three questions
1. On the phone
A client says: “I don’t want to be the one who decides.” Which response hands it back with permission, rather than dropping it?
2. Which of these is appropriation?
3. Your own limit
You are on reception. A client asks whether it is too soon. What can you say - and where is your limit?
Think about it before you open this. There is no marking here, deliberately.
What you can say: that it is the hardest question there is; that most people never feel certain; that deciding before the last good day is allowed; what you have seen of how much thought she has given it. You can ask what is making it feel impossible, and you can book her the time to talk it through properly.
Where the limit is: anything that reads as a prognosis, a clinical opinion, or a verdict on timing. “It’s not too soon” is a clinical judgment. “Most people never feel certain” is not. The line is not about kindness - you can be entirely warm on the correct side of it.
One sentence to keep
They are not asking you to choose. They are asking whether it is allowed.
Where to go next
This module covers how to hold the conversation. The next one covers what to put in it - the Five Freedoms, why welfare science moved on to the Five Domains, and how to use them with a family who is deciding.
This is a sample module. Jodene Mills of Paws & Presence built it as a demonstration piece - free to work through, free to share, and free to send to your team. It is not a certified course and carries no continuing education credit. Ellen and Trixie are invented. Read how it was designed.